Good Grief

Happy 6th Birthday Ellery! Ouch….. this is our 4th birthday celebration without you but CELEBRATE YOU we still DO and ALWAYS will!!

Somehow another year has gone by and we miss you no less.  Our hearts still ache and our arms still yearn to hold you.  Boy, do I wonder what you would be like? To think that you would be completing your 1st year of school and graduating from Kindergarten! I still think you would have those beautiful curls but, I think they would be less springy as your hair would be much longer.  Yes, this is what I do a lot…… daydream of you……of  what you would be like, look like, act like, who your friends would be.  There are a few little girls I know your age and they are much bigger than I picture you but I forget you would be turning 6 today!!!!

This year Ellery has been another tough one, even tougher on your daddy. He has been such a strong man holding us together with his love and hard work but the grief is effecting him greatly now and it’s time we take care of him!  Most people don’t understand the effects of such significant grief because child loss is such a different beast.  In all honesty, I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone!  You start to move forward (and backward and forward and…….) but you never really move on.  I have been pondering the term “good grief” a lot lately.  You know I never really thought about that phrase before until we lost you. I would just hear people say it in anger or frustration and would think good and grief don’t seem like they belong in the same sentence.  Well guess what, they do! “Good grief” has nothing to do with anger or frustration!  Ellery, through your death I now understand what “good grief” is. It doesn’t mean that you are not sad, that you don’t have bad or even horrendous days.  To me “good grief” is the way you choose to grieve.    “Good grief”, Ellery is when I can share you, your love, and your joy with others.  “Good grief” is when I can help myself heal by carrying out your legacy through beautiful acts of kindness in your name!  “Good grief” is when I can share you with the world through “Joyful Gift” cards with your precious face on them.  “Good grief” is excitedly working on creating a park that will honor you and bring so much happiness to so MANY!  “Good grief” is when I hear your name mentioned and I know that people still remember YOU and THAT lifts MY SOUL! “Good grief” is when I can make an imprint on this world for the better because my heart has been broken  and my eyes have been opened.  “Good grief” is becoming a better person because you lived!

So TODAY,  April 1st, 2019 on your 6th birthday, we will celebrate the most beautiful day! The day our 10lb 15oz amazing baby girl came into this world and changed it for the BETTER! We will spend the day sharing kindness in your name, buying things for others as we can’t for you!  We will shed some tears today, share some joy and priceless memories, and remember the beautiful soul you ARE!  We Love and Miss you Ellery Feona Ennenga every minute of every day!  Drop a penny, flash a light, or turn on a radio we could sure use it!

Love,

Mommy, Daddy, Brahm, Aubryn, Emilyn, Bryar and your Ooji Cat (Muji)